suicide a selfish choice...yes its a choice

I spend a lot of time praying about Don and my uncle...it seems like the more I pray the more upset I get. Something that I didn't even realize is this....I never gave my uncle up to Jesus. I thought I had given everything. But God made me realize that I was mad at him for not sending my uncle to heaven. Something though that I have to learn is that nobody deserves heaven. I just wish one day I could see him again...I know that he is having a bad time right now. I feel selfish because I know where I am going...I will be so happy when I am in heaven and I realize that..but my uncle is not there. Then there is Don. He loved jesus..that part i understand. But he is in heaven, even though he cut his life short. I don't mean that as an attack to Don. I'm not saying that he shouldn't be there either. I just don't get it. Does that make sense? Its just me trying to wrap my mind around all this...Thats all...So please dont judge me.