sadness

Today was all in all a very sad day. A member of my church committed suicide. I really truly had a heart for this man, and it makes me sad. I feel for our church, because he was a great person. It burdens me because he could of been so much to our church. He already was! It burdens me because suicide is not in gods plan ever. Its sad because he will never be able to be with us ever again. One of the things that I am holding onto is he is with Jesus. I think this comes easy to me because how great would it be to be with Jesus. On the other hand, that is not the way that Jesus wants us to be with him. Its sad. Oddviosly God allowed this to happen for a reason, but it still is not in his perfect plan for him to kill himself. Which I guess brings me to the second part of this. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of my uncle killing himself. I know where he is...he is not with jesus. I guess thats why I can wrap my mind around don because at least he is in a good place. Where as my uncle killed himself the worst way possible and then will spend eternity in hell. That hurts me...I dont want that for anybody. I dont want what happend to don either. Its a selfish decision. It makes me sad, furious, and pissed off at them. I miss my uncle dearly. I miss him. I miss his laugh. I miss his smile. I miss his stupidness. I will miss don to. Its sad. But it makes me furious because they made this desicion to do this. There own will....why? I guess I just have to hold on to that Jesus will use this..And make something good out of this. Maybe this will help our connection with the some of the people in villa park. Maybe this will save some people. Maybe..this will make people realise that life is way to short and we need to be sharing jesus love...just maybe