remembering

Tonight I remember Don for everything that he did that was positive. He was a strong believer in christ. He loved the lord and wanted everybody to know about it. Wanted everyone to know who god was, and he rejoiced i'm sure seeing everyone he loved in one room tonight. It made me sad, because the 50 or so people in the room all cared for Don adn he didn't realise it here on earth! Which got me thinking...

I have a lot of people who care for me. I struggle with this all the time. Its something that the enemy lies to me about all the time! I believe him time and time again, that people don't like me, or love me! Its so stupid. I do have a lot of people who love me..and care for me and except me. Stupid for me to post this and make it about me, but I'm learning like crazy right now...God has me in a season of learning. Which I suppose is good..

school and all...

I learned something today...ha! I learned that efficient and effective are not the same words. Don't judge if u already knew that. Efficient is using resources wisely and in a cost effective way, and effective is making the right decisions and successfully implementing them! I always thought they had the same definition...what do you know. Okay your asking why am I posting about two words. I am learning that I have a lot to learn. I am not very smart. I'm not attacking myself, its just truth. Things I should know, I don't have a clue. Its not like I know trivia either like Mike, so therefore I could appear smart when we play games. We play trivia at college group or with friends, I don't have a damn clue. I don't watch much tv, so I have no idea about tv shows. I don't watch a lot of movies, so there. I love to read, but they don't have trivia on books. That would be boring. I am taking this managment class and I love it! It is a principals of managment which is great becuase it is showing how to be an efficient and effective manager/person in the business world. If I'm going to continue on with my goals..if you don't know my newest career goals ask me they are brand new. I am very excited about this path, of learning and growing. Okay don't judge me!

school and all

I started my classes again today. BOO! I am already so busy, but I can't wait to graduate. I only have one and a half years and I will have my bachelors degree. Yippy! I am taking professional writing and a management class in session a and in session b i am taking an accounting class and another management class. I read part of chapter one and I can already tell you my professional writing class is going to be so boring. I know though it will be good for me.

suicide a selfish choice...yes its a choice

I spend a lot of time praying about Don and my uncle...it seems like the more I pray the more upset I get. Something that I didn't even realize is this....I never gave my uncle up to Jesus. I thought I had given everything. But God made me realize that I was mad at him for not sending my uncle to heaven. Something though that I have to learn is that nobody deserves heaven. I just wish one day I could see him again...I know that he is having a bad time right now. I feel selfish because I know where I am going...I will be so happy when I am in heaven and I realize that..but my uncle is not there. Then there is Don. He loved jesus..that part i understand. But he is in heaven, even though he cut his life short. I don't mean that as an attack to Don. I'm not saying that he shouldn't be there either. I just don't get it. Does that make sense? Its just me trying to wrap my mind around all this...Thats all...So please dont judge me.

sadness

Today was all in all a very sad day. A member of my church committed suicide. I really truly had a heart for this man, and it makes me sad. I feel for our church, because he was a great person. It burdens me because he could of been so much to our church. He already was! It burdens me because suicide is not in gods plan ever. Its sad because he will never be able to be with us ever again. One of the things that I am holding onto is he is with Jesus. I think this comes easy to me because how great would it be to be with Jesus. On the other hand, that is not the way that Jesus wants us to be with him. Its sad. Oddviosly God allowed this to happen for a reason, but it still is not in his perfect plan for him to kill himself. Which I guess brings me to the second part of this. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of my uncle killing himself. I know where he is...he is not with jesus. I guess thats why I can wrap my mind around don because at least he is in a good place. Where as my uncle killed himself the worst way possible and then will spend eternity in hell. That hurts me...I dont want that for anybody. I dont want what happend to don either. Its a selfish decision. It makes me sad, furious, and pissed off at them. I miss my uncle dearly. I miss him. I miss his laugh. I miss his smile. I miss his stupidness. I will miss don to. Its sad. But it makes me furious because they made this desicion to do this. There own will....why? I guess I just have to hold on to that Jesus will use this..And make something good out of this. Maybe this will help our connection with the some of the people in villa park. Maybe this will save some people. Maybe..this will make people realise that life is way to short and we need to be sharing jesus love...just maybe

school

I just got done yesterday registering for new classes starting on Monday. I am taking an business class and a professional writing class. I am not so much looking forward to my business class but I am looking forward to the professional writing class. This class is going to teach me how to write a resume, and other business stuff. How to write a letter of resignation and stuff like that! So that will be good. But the catch is now school is back in session, its going to be very difficult for me. I already have a lot on my plate. The good news is I have 1 and a half years left with my bachelors and im done! This is good news. To finally be done! It will be amazing to finally be done. I just can't imagine how I'm going to manage school (full time), work almost full time, small group, Riley time, Mike time, family time, but I know God will never give me more then I can handle. Mike is in school part time and works a full time job and a paid on call parttime. So he will be no help either..oh well. It will be great to be done!

and i thought i had a bad day...

watch this video all the way threw!

life

Im learning something new everyday. I know your suppose to, but it seems like lately its been major things that I have been learning. Its little things to. For example a little thing would be don't play trivia with college group, cause it makes me look even more stupid. ha. On the bigger side really learning the love of god and learning how to lean on him! Thats exciting stuff. Everyday is a new adventure lately, and I find myself not getting very board lately, even though its been the same o same o.

On a total side note God really blessed me this weekend. I had a great family time weekend. I really missed spending time with Riley! It was great to have her the whole weekend and not have to work! What a blessing. We went to an apple picking and riley thought was so cool. Went to a pumpkin farm! Riley got to pick out her own pumpkin. She is going to be so much fun this year trick-or-treating. I have to say...even though I wish somethings could be differnt, I really do have a great husband and daughter! I am blessed!

click the photos..

im learning how to put the pictures on so click on the pics and u can actually see them!

a great day..

I had a great day today. We went to a pumpkin farm with some friends. What a great day! Riley was a blast...She is at the best age. I just had a bunch of moments that I wished I could freeze time! Just having fun, with no worries! We got to ride a train, hayride, pumpkins, haunted house, and just time with friends! Here is some pics!

bars

Tonight I am going out with some of my friends to a bar, yea you heard me a bar! It should be interesting to go to a bar, considering I haven't been to one in ages. I like bars...but its always a weird feeling for me to be there. I feel guilty for being there for some reason. For enjoying myself. That sounds stupid. Either way im excited cause I have a sitter for Riley, and i'm going out with people I haven't seen in awhile. And going out with my hubby! Which is something I dont get to do often!

friends and mre

Each week I meet with these girls now that are pretty amazing. I feel like I learn so much from them and with them. One of these girls, as we all do, needed prayer about something. I really felt like I needed to prayer for her. I love her dearly and I didn't want her to feel the way she was feeling. Anyhow, it made me think. Why do we as humans get weird about praying for each other. I get anxious when people ask to pray for me. I get all weird. Wouldn't talking to our father be the best thing? To be joined in prayer. I am learning that its great for people to pray over you. What a blessing it is actually. Its just one more thing...that i need to learn to be comfortable with!

my heart...

Things never work out the way I ever plan. Maybe thats the key..its me and not God. I had all the ideas on how my life would work out and it seems that none of them are that way. I never thought that having another child would be so difficult. I never thought that money would be such an issue. I mean I grew up having nothing so maybe I should expect anything...I wish I had a house. I wish I had a understanding why school is taking forever to graduate! I wish I didn't work at BWW. I wish I didn't have to serve. I wish I could be a stay at home mom with Riley. I wish I could just have another baby! I wish I didn't get migraines. I wish my daughter had her own room back. I wish my husband liked his job. I wish he made more money. I wish insurance wasn't a pain in the butt.

With all that said...I'm not in a bad mood. I'm not saying I have a bad life. I enjoy most of my life. I just get down sometimes! I think thats okay right?

work work work

I feel like all I do is go to work, school stuff, taekwondo, laundry, and be with riley. I don't mind the last one. Actually I wish I had more time with her. I really hope that mike gets this promotion at work...it would mean a lot more freedom for us! I could maybe be home more with Riley! I need a work from home job!

a day off...

I really have a lot to do...or that I should be doing. Yet I do none of them..well because its my day off. And I am happy to just have a day off...IS that to much to ask?

learning

I'm very excited about meeting with a few special girls! I love that we are all open to new things. God totally opened up this whole new "part" in my life. I don't feel so lonely in it anymore. I felt like I was the only one. I'm just not anymore. This is such a blessing. To not be looked at funny. Or to be looked at funny with understanding. Something that is great about it, is that God promises things and always comes threw with it. What an awesome God we serve. I'm so excited!

friends...

Some of my friends have been writing about friends or therefor like of. There is this great book that i'm reading, called Wild Goose Chase. Its about getting off your butt and doing something. Anything...your passionate about. Doing it with others that love Jesus. Period. DOING IT! If you haven't read this book you need to. The book is by Mark Batterson. I am so excited....I have some wonderful friends in my church that God has put this same intentions. What a blessing! ;)

fear...and trust

So I went to another prayer meeting thing at the gazebo today. It was great as always. I love praying for the nations with other believers! I love that other people from other churches show up. Its always a great thing. I love that God is stretching us. I really felt the holy spirit there today. I'm not sure if I am just very accepting of the Holy Spirit or if everybody felt it....What a great place to be when the holy spirit is within you!

Afterwords, talked about our church with a few people who said afterwords. I really started to realise that its okay for me to balance being "charismatic" and being "traditional" Its hard for me because I feel very comfortable in the "traditional" stand points of my beliefs. This whole charismatic mindset, is out of my comfort zone. BUT I love it also. I love that God speaks threw me. I love that I am understanding the holy spirit. I love that God gives me words or visions of things. This is great. But I also don't want to stand out. That's why I like my church. Even though there are a few who do like to point fingers, the majority does not! We have a huge group of people who just love Jesus. That's what it comes down to, doesn't it...loving Jesus and sharing his love. Jesus is just teaching me so many different things. I thought the last six months has been such a huge growing period, apparently god has more to show me! Which is awesome. I hope God continues to stretch me, and teach me. Thank you Jesus, for loving me, and showing me more of you!