bloggin

Why is it that its easier to write how your feeling in a blog. Why can't you tell your friends how you feel...This is how I feel. I have the hardest time telling how I'm truly feeling. At least about things that matter. I wish I could just go to my friends and say I'm feeling this way, or I'm feeling this way. But no I don't. Instead week after week I write it in my blog. Something that has been bothering me for awhile and I've been ignoring it. I've been ignoring it because i know that it will be tempary. I also have been ignoring it because I know I'm wrong. I don't really want to hear people lecture me either because I know what they are going to say. I go threw this huge breakthrew with God. He really changes a lot of things within me. For months, I don't understand how you can't love god. How you can't not spend time with him on a daily basis. Then all of sudden lately its all become routine again. I really just honestly don't care. It probaly has to do with the fact that I've taken control of my life again, instead of God. With knowing this you would think I would change. But, I just don't care. I go to church because I have to. I read my bible because I have to. I pray because I have to. Now oddviosly I don't have to, but I know that I will kick myself if I don't. Plus its what i do. I pray. I haven't had a good devotional since well early november. Now I realise it early december, but I am a prayer warrior. I love to pray, i love to worship god. Why though do i not care now? I really want to care...that seems to be the key term lately, that people have been telling me. I just don't care. I do care. I care a lot. I just care either differntly, or i'm just having a hard time caring right now. That doesn't mean that your not on my mind. Well ask me about what I'm talking about if you care, and I will explain, cause i'm not making any sense on here!