a change of heart

As far as this Christmas...i have been so cranky about it. It stresses me out every year and every year I have had the wrong attitude. A friend of mine has two kids, and she has no husband, no parents, and no money for Christmas. Even though mine can be a pain in the butt, I still at least have family. I could be like my friend and have nothing. I still complain. It really was a change of heart when I really realized that my friend needs help. She is just a girl trying to survive. Every year I really complain, and I miss the point. I have so much that God has blessed me with. Christmas is not about giving a gift to somebody, its about being with family.
Also I'm not forgetting its Jesus's birthday in a sense. I'm just saying that I've had the traditional grumpy of the holidays, and I have so much so I shouldn't be grumpy. I am very embarrsed to see how I acted the past years. I totally had the wrong idea. This year, my wish is for my friend to have presents for her daugther and son. This year I wish for people to see Jesus's love. This year I change my heart. I am truly sorry for those who I have been such a crab to.

a good evening

Yesterday we had Michael's part time jobs work party. It ended up being a great night. I wasn't very much looking forward to it, because I really don't know anybody. Our pastor and his wife, were there though because Pastor mike works for OEM now to. It was so good to have them there. I really enjoy Carol's company. The more I get to know her the better I like her. She is very down to earth, and pretty much all around awesome. Anyways, Michael won two awards. Every year they give an award in tribute to a guy who worked on the department who passed away. I guess this guy was an awesome guy. Well anyways, they gave it to mike yesterday. His boss said some very wonderful things, about my husband. Everyone of them true. He said he was a very hard worker, always early and working! Just basically an all around great man, and I totally agree. This award is a great honor. It was so cute to see him up there. He also had 545 hours of work which are considered volunteer hours. He gets a gold pin and a letter from the president.
After the party we went to steak and shake..(ha) with PK and Carol. What a great time. I really enjoy them. Mike and I rarely get a night without Riley, and spending it with them was amazing. They really are great people. Overall it was great ordering shakes, and french fries. They treated us to our little snack, and that was a great treat to! I really enjoyed my night, and as much as I get annoyed at mikes oem job, I am very proud of him!

bloggin

Why is it that its easier to write how your feeling in a blog. Why can't you tell your friends how you feel...This is how I feel. I have the hardest time telling how I'm truly feeling. At least about things that matter. I wish I could just go to my friends and say I'm feeling this way, or I'm feeling this way. But no I don't. Instead week after week I write it in my blog. Something that has been bothering me for awhile and I've been ignoring it. I've been ignoring it because i know that it will be tempary. I also have been ignoring it because I know I'm wrong. I don't really want to hear people lecture me either because I know what they are going to say. I go threw this huge breakthrew with God. He really changes a lot of things within me. For months, I don't understand how you can't love god. How you can't not spend time with him on a daily basis. Then all of sudden lately its all become routine again. I really just honestly don't care. It probaly has to do with the fact that I've taken control of my life again, instead of God. With knowing this you would think I would change. But, I just don't care. I go to church because I have to. I read my bible because I have to. I pray because I have to. Now oddviosly I don't have to, but I know that I will kick myself if I don't. Plus its what i do. I pray. I haven't had a good devotional since well early november. Now I realise it early december, but I am a prayer warrior. I love to pray, i love to worship god. Why though do i not care now? I really want to care...that seems to be the key term lately, that people have been telling me. I just don't care. I do care. I care a lot. I just care either differntly, or i'm just having a hard time caring right now. That doesn't mean that your not on my mind. Well ask me about what I'm talking about if you care, and I will explain, cause i'm not making any sense on here!

christmas

I was reading a friend of mines blog and it reminded me just how much I hate christmas. I truly do....If you have ever had a conversation with me you know I hate christmas. I hate having to go to all of my parents houses, and every year one set of parents gets pissed at me. Everything is about buying gifts and showing up somewhere. I hate it. Having seriously 14 christmas parties, I am obligated to go to sucks. As it is, I have a very busy schedule, how am I suppose to fill in all these additional things. I have a very bad attitude as it comes to christmas. I just wish for one year, I could not think about what I have to do or where I need to be.
Christmas is about Jesus. I always forget this every year. In between the anger and the frustration, and the drinking, and the parties, and the gifts, i always forget. I'm not saying this is an excuse, its just the truth.

I already have a few friends upset with me, because I simply am not available. I really want to be av liable. I just can't be. Stupid Christmas. I'm thinking though..maybe it would be better, if I was just away, things would be better. So to conclude I'm simply just hate christmas!